ps1983

It’s been so long since last time I wrote anything in my blog.  In summary, I was very very good for over a year, got myself in the best shape of my life and down to around 104 pounds.  I stopped going to the gym and eating healthy early October and continued to go down the hill for the rest of the year.  It is just amazing how fast you lose it all.  I had so much fast food that at the beginning of December I was having a hard time deciding where to go since I’ve been at every fast food place so much that I was starting to get tired of all of them.  I went home to visit my parents for a couple of weeks during Christmas and New Years.  I was in TERRIBLE shape, the altitude really got to me and I was out of breath by just going up the stairs. 

So as many of us decide, since it is a new year I decided to get back on my diet and exercise routine.  It’s not as easy as I though it was going to be.  First of all, I’ve gained weight, I am terribly out of shape and it is hard to get back into my routine.  I started it all back last Tuesday Jan 6^th.  I weighted myself (108 lbs) and took a lot of measurements.  I went shopping and got a lot of good stuff.  My first day of the gym was terrible.  Last year I was able to do the elliptical for an hour (stopping just few times to drink some Propel), this time, I had to take my first break after 8 minutes and then every 5-10 minutes to drink something and catch my breath a little.  It was so bad that within the first 10 minutes my throat was burning and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  I only did the elliptical for 33 min (1 weight loss cycle) and then worked out arms.  OMG was I sore the next day, I was in so much pain that it hurt to put deodorant because of the slight pressure.  Wednesday was very similar but I worked out abs and Thursday I worked out legs.  My abs hurt so much that I couldn’t laugh at my husband’s jokes and my legs were so sore that I was having a hard time sitting in the toilet and I almost rolled down the stairs a couple of times because my legs almost gave out.  I think I over did it.  Weight lifting wise, I had to drop my weights big time and I can’t do as many reps.  I do the same excercises just fewer reps and weight.  I am still very sore now but at least my cardio is better now.  My throat doesn’t burn anymore and I am up to 50 minutes when I have time, obviously with few 30-sec breaks to drink some Propel. 

My routine is back to:

Day 1: Upper Body

Day 2: Abs

Day 3: Lower Body

Day 4: For now rest but in the near future cardio only

I am eating pretty good too.  I am taking a different approach this time.  I started a little diary where I wrote my weight and measurements which I will only take once a week, exercise info and food.  I am not writing in the calories, I’ll see how good it works and if it doesn’t, I guess I’ll have to start counting calories again.  What I am doing now is just taking note of what I eat and trying to eat just healthy stuff.  I am not taking any weight loss supplements (even though I still have some Ali left over), although I did buy Benefiber (I think that’s how it’s spelled). 

I am just mad at myself for letting myself go.  I worked so hard for a year and a half and it just vanished.  OK, I shouldn’t say that, even though gym is still a torture I think I am still in better shape than I was two years ago.  Yes, my skinny jeans are a little too tight for my comfort but at least I can still fit in them.  The scary part is that I only gained few pounds but I gained 5, yes 5 cm in my weist alone, that’s A LOT.  That means that I lost A LOT of muscle and gained a lot of fat around my mid section.  Oh and my cellulite is back…with full force.

I weighted myself and took measurements this morning and I was upset to see that I’ve gained weight.  It’s OK though.  Now I am more focuse on toning and getting back in shape.  I had a physical last year and the nurse asked me if I was a runner because my heart rate was lower than other women my age.  That is always nice to hear.

I am considering buying Wii Fit but I wish I could just try it first.  I am worried that it is not going to be a good enough workout. 

 I entered my new weight in the little scale in this site and was sad to see that I lost one of my 10 lbs stars and it was replaced with a 5 lbs one.  It’s OK, I’ll get it back in time.

I almost broke down crying today.  I’ve really been hating my job lately and today I had to use my whole strength to not quit and just walk out.  All I could think about was getting some fast food, getting back to the hotel and cry till I fell asleep.  Pretty sad, huh?  I don’t know where I pulled strength out of and got myself to the hotel gym and ran for over an hour.  I am true believer that exercise improves your mood.  God, I just kept going and going and going.  Going back and forward thinking about how crappy today was and about nice stuff too.  My legs are now in pain, I’m laying in bed doing homework and they still hurt, don’t even talk about when I have to get up for something.  I completed 6.2 miles which is a 10K in an hour and seven minutes.  I know they are terrible times but I keep telling myself that I just started running few weeks ago.  I am running my first 5K this Sunday.  Earlier today I didn’t even want to participate in the race anymore now I’m excited (and nervous) about it again.  So I figured I should already start practicing for the 10K on June 1^st.  The only bad thing I did today is I skipped dinner.  I’ve just been snacking on Kashi cereal, an apple, 100 calorie popcorn and 100 calorie Cape Cod Chips. 

So now I’m gonna take a deep breath and hope that tomorrow is better and if it isn’t, I’m hoping that my legs can handle another treadmill run.

Take care girls!

OK so the training for my first 5K is ON!  The date is March 16^th which kinda sucks because I’ll be working 6 days 10 hour shifts from March 10-26 and I’ll be staying at a hotel.  I’ve stayed at that hotel already and I know their fitness center isn’t good but there is a gym nearby and it’s like $5 a day to go there.  My feet are doing much, much better.  I even wore high heels into work today (which was probably not such a good idea now that I think about it).  I got myself a new pair of shoes too.  I really hope they make a difference.  My husband insists that my feet are probably just not used to running since I never really practiced any sports.  I also got a Polar F6 heart rate monitor.  It was expensive!! $109 later I am ready to take my workouts to the next level.  I am still pretty upset over the elliptical vs. treadmill calories burned data.  So I figured this HR monitor will tell me exactly how many calories I’m burning during my workout.  Plus, it will also tell me how many calories I’m burning while lifting.  I was between this model and one for runners.  I decided to buy this one because even though I am currently overly excited about running, I believe that deep inside it all goes back to trying to keep my weight off.  Talking about that…the scale showed another 0.6 lb gain today.  I have been doing an excellent job with my workouts but I keep overeating.  I think in a given day I would probably eat between 2000-2500 calories.  I did lower my calorie intake for a while but then I figured that since I’m working out so much, I deserve to eat more.  I haven’t been eating too much ‘bad’ food but when I do, I over do it.  And even the healthy food I eat, I have too much of that too.  I think I am good about not going to a fast food place by myself but if I’m already there with a group of co-workers, I just can’t just order the healthy salad.  It is hard to be on the road all the time with guys that are not counting calories like I am.  My husband also bought a huge bag of chips from BJs last weekend and of course I had to go buy some dip.  I’ve been eating more chips than he has!  So today I told him that he either takes the chips with him today or I’m throwing them away when I get back tonight.  The one thing I have stayed good at has been having my yogurt every day, 2-3 fruits and when I’m in the office a Lean Cuisine for lunch.  Today is harder, I had gotten a Lean Cuisine with fish (it’s Lent so I can’t have meat) but I felt guilty to stink up the entire office so I decided to bring some milk and cereal for lunch today.

Now, talking about my new caffeine-free new life.  My dad would always smelled like coffee and cigarettes so I LOVE how they smell.  My dad now smells only like coffee with a hint of cigarettes because he thinks we think that he quit so he can’t smoke around us.  I never smoked and I never learned to like the taste of coffee but that didn’t stop me from getting hooked on caffeine.  During college I tried Redbull and I actually really liked the taste and obviously the effect it had on me.  I started just having one once or twice a week but when the all-nighters started, my Redbull dose increased.  I think that by my junior year I was already having one almost every day and then when I started work it would be AT LEAST one a day.  By that point I decided that my addiction had gotten to expensive ($2-$2.50 per can) so I move to caffeine pills.  I had tried the in college but they would get me too jittery so this time I started by taking half of one.  Well, half of one turned into 1 in the mornings, then 1 in the mornings and 1 after lunch.  Lately I’ve my head has been feeling so heavy in the evenings and even nights when I get 7 or 8 hours of sleep I still feel terrible the next day.  I think my body is actually asking for more caffeine.  That is just not happening.  So I have decided to quit caffeine entirely and get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep at night.  It’s ridiculous, I think that on average, I probably get 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  Some nights, I only get 4 or even less.  No wonder I am so tired.  My husband usually doesn’t get home till 8 or so and some nights till after 9 so I try to stay up with him till midnight and then I’m up by 4:30 or 6 am at the latest depending on where I have to go the next morning.  So as much as I love spending time with my husband, I think I will be better off going to bed by 11pm.  So I’m getting myself ready for horrible headaches today and all weekend.  I thought that the withdrawal symptoms were supposed to just last 3 days but my husband said he heard 2 weeks.  God, I hope he’s wrong.  Wish me luck!   

I have finished my first few days of training for my first 5K.  I really want to start running so I figured I should start with the shortest available race.  I didn’t use to run.  In fact, the worst day of every school year was the day of the 1-mile run.  So when I started going to the gym, the elliptical was my new best friend.  I started by only being able to do 15 min, now I have increased the level and can last for 1 hour.  Which I am very proud of.  I travel a lot for work so I end up staying at hotels many nights.  I try to always go online to check at their fitness center and this particular hotel had listed an elliptical, a couple of treadmills, a stationary bike and an all-in-one weight machine.  Of course when I get there the elliptical and the bike are missing the cords.  This is like the THIRD hotel I’ve stayed where I’ve found exactly the same situation.  So I was pretty upset but since there was no one else in the room I decided to give the treadmill a try.  I have always thought about using it at the gym but I was too embarrassed to do something stupid in front of everyone (dumb, I know).  I was very proud to finish 45 min at 4.2mph and a 5% incline.  I was shocked to see that I had only burned around 300 calories (I’ll complain about this later).  So that was Monday night, I was so exited that I woke up at 5am on Tuesday and went running again.  That’s when I got my first couple of blisters.  OK, I’ve gotten them before from wearing an unfriendly but cute pair of high heels or something but NEVER from exercising.  So I popped them and complained all day about them at work.  Then on Wednesday I got to come back home and my feet weren’t hurting too bad so I decided to use the treadmill at the gym.  I set it at 5mps and a 3% incline and finished the 5K in 37 minutes and then walked for 3 more min to complete a 40 min cardio workout.  I think the stupid treadmill told me that I had burned 290 calories.  Are you kidding me!  In the elliptical I was burning 730 calories an hour!  Or so I thought.  I mean, I knew it was probably overestimating the amount of calories burned because I just use the quickstart option (all of the programs where you can enter your weight are only 33 min long) but I had no idea it was SO much!  No wonder I have been gaining a pound a week for the last month!  I thought I was burning almost 1000 calories (between cardio and lifting) a day when I was probably just burning around 500-600.  So I was SO mad that after finishing my run, I went on the elliptical and finished a 33 min weight loss program.  So this time I entered my weight and all and it said I burned like 370 calories.  I just don’t trust it anymore.  I get so much more tired and sweaty from the treadmill that I cannot believe I burn more calories in less time in the elliptical.  I have read that the calorie counter in the treadmill and the stationary bike is much more accurate than the elliptical one so I’m just going to go by the treadmills count.  So I went home and had to take care of my brand new blisters.  I popped them again, put some Neosporin on and band-aids.  I had promised my husband to go with him to the gym and I had to work out legs anyways (I didn’t before mostly because I went around 6pm and the gym was just too crowded) so with blisters and all I went back to the gym.  Did the elliptical for 15 min to warm up and then worked out legs.  Needless to say, I was limping throughout my workout. 

So in summary:

Lower Body Workout

Cardio:

37 min 5K run at 5 mph – 290 calories burned 

33 min elliptical weight loss program level 6 and 8 – 300 calories burned (being optimistic here)

15 min elliptical warm-up level 6 – 110 calories burned

TOTAL 1 hour 25 min of cardio with 700 calories burned

I doubt I’ll be able to run today but I’m going to try to do the elliptical for a while and today is my upper body workout day. 

So I’ve decided to get real running shoes and if the blisters persist, I’m gonna tough it up and soon enough my feet will get used to the new runner in me. =)

I really don’t know what is wrong with me.  It’s very embarrassing to admit that I am back on Alli.  I’m not taking it with every meal, just with high fat ones, which sadly to say, have been many of my meals lately.  I don’t know what it is about Wendy’s.   The craving just gets in my head and there’s nothing to do about it.  And I KNOW what I should do.  If I crave it, I should get it but in moderation.  But I DON’T!  In fact, I over do it every single time.  So to feel a little less guilty I take a couple of Alli s with it.  I’ve been doing so many things wrong.  I’ve been letting myself get hungry and that’s a big no-no.  I just don’t understand how I need so much food.  I’ve been trying to cut down the food that I eat during the day so that I can have an acceptable (to me) dinner.  By the time I make it to dinner I’m usually already at or over 1000 calories and lets face it, dinner is usually way over 500.  I wish I didn’t think of food every single minute. 

So far for today I’ve had an Activia Light Yogurt with Kashi cereal, an apple, a bag of 100 calorie popcorn and a chicken and broccoli alfredo lean cuisine lunch.  So I’m at around 600 calories, which is good but I am definitely going to have to eat something before dinner.  I think my main problem is that we usually have dinner too late because my husband doesn’t get home till after 8 or 9. 

Yesterday was SO bad.  I was thinking about overindulging with Wendy’s ALL day, then I would feel guilty, google the caloric content, decide I wasn’t going to get it then decide I might only get the fries, then decide that if I was already going to drive there, I might as well get it all.  And then back to feeling guilty.  It’s not as if I haven’t had it in a very long time.  I just had it Sunday night!  -Deep breath-.  I was good though, I drove home, had some Kashi cereal, half a banana and then went to the gym.  I brought an apple with me to the gym because I was planning to go to Kohls straight from there. 

Yesterday I was just hating myself, hating this diet, hating food, I just wanted to not care anymore!  I miss those days SO much.  Don’t get me wrong, I like the fact that I lost a lot of weight and I can definitely notice the benefits from my good diet and exercise but I wish it would just stop at that.  I wish I would just keep all these positive changes to be healthy and not because I’m so concerned over my body, over my stupid weight. 

I started my whole crazy and obsessive diet and exercise routine last summer.  My goal was to go down to my high-school weight of 101 pounds by Christmas break.  I only get a chance to fly home during this holidays so I really wanted to have a big change by then.  I did not meet my goal but I did manage to lose around 20 pounds which is HUGE for a 5’ person. 

Everyone noticed the difference.  My parents were all worried, telling me that I don’t eat enough and they were analyzing everything I ate and if I even thought about leaving leftovers, I would hear the whole speech about being too thin all over again.  I ate a lot during the holidays but I did manage to make it to the park for some exercise maybe 50% of the time.  I lost weight (mostly muscle I’m assuming) and when I got back I was at my lowest of 100 pounds. 

My friends were shocked and kept telling me how good I looked!  They said they were so jealous and never thought I would ever start exercising.  They were surprised when I ordered water instead of soda at restaurants and even more surprised when I ordered a dish with broccoli and actually ate it! 

I care about what my parents have to say about my weight but I keep thinking to myself, I don’t think I can EVER be TOO thin.  I care about what my friends have to say, I’m glad they noticed!  But most of all I care about what my husband thinks.  He tells me all the time how he thinks I look better than ever.  It makes me feel good.  He said that he would much rather have me 10 pounds heavier and going to the gym than 10 pounds lighter and not going to the gym.  I guess he has a point. 

I like to receive all those new compliments but it also scares.  I mean, at the same time as they tell me how good I look NOW, aren’t they telling met how NOT good I looked before?  What if I stop going to the gym?  Am I going to have to diet and exercise my whole life?  I can only imagine how self-conscious I would be if I ever gained all my weight back.  It is a fact, if everyone noticed the positive change, everyone will definitely notice the negative change…whenever it happens.

I have a quick question for you guys about caloric intake.

So lets say that one of those little online calculators tells me that based on my height, weight and level of activity I need 1500 calories a day.  I would already put I’m moderately active since I go to the gym every day.  If on a day, I burn 500 calories in the elliptical, does that mean that I can eat 2000 calories and not gain any weight?  Or those 500 calories are already included in the initial 1500 calories of the daily caloric intake calculator since I put that my life style is moderately active?  Is the ‘moderately active’ option telling them about my metabolism or is it giving them an approximate number of calories I burn daily through exercise?

I hope this is not too confusing.

Thanks everyone!

OK so the weekend didn’t turn out to be as bad as I thought.  In fact, I had a very good weekend.  I got a lot of stuff done, I went to the gym every day and I ate pretty good.

Here’s my exercise for the weekend:

Friday

-  1  hour elliptical level 8

-  Lower body

Saturday

-  1 hour elliptical level 7

-  Upper body

Sunday

-  1 hour elliptical level 7

Today I have to do cardio and abs.  I hate abs day, it is just so boring.

Today I took a sick day.  I don’t know what was wrong with me last night, I was so tired before going to bed but as soon as I touched my pillow I just couldn’t fall asleep.  By the time my alarm went off I probably have had 2 hours of sleep and I obviously had a bad headache so there is no way I was going into work.  Around 7am I think I fell asleep again and I just woke up a little while ago.  I feel much better now.

Good luck everyone!

This weekend is just going to suck.  My husband is going away for a sky trip and won’t be back till Sunday night.  I haven’t even gotten home yet and it’s already bothering me.  I don’t know anyone around here.  We moved down to CT after school and my friends stayed up in MA.  It’s so hard for me to meet people at work.  I travel a lot so even when I meet someone who I like, I might not see him/her again for months.  My husband thinks that this job might not be good for me because he thinks I need to meet people.  I’ve gone through really bad periods of depression and being extremely homesick.  I actually think that this might be the reason why I am so obsessed with my weight.  I mean it’s something I can take control over plus it’s really time consuming.  While I’m at the gym I don’t feel lonely.

So I’m not sure what exactly I’m going to do this weekend to keep myself busy.  The worst part is that our house is a mess but I’m usually not in the mood to do anything about it.  I’m usually not in the mood to do much.  I like to go shopping but I really shouldn’t, I don’t ‘need’ anything.  Gosh, how am I already so depressed already.  I feel like crying, I wish I could blame it on my PMS but that already happened last weekend. 

Anyways, I have a couple of drumsticks marinating in the fridge (I had forgotten about the ski trip) so I guess I’ll have that for dinner tonight and I have to come up with a side dish.  I hate to cook only for myself.  I mean, I don’t like to cook in the first place but at least it’s nice to have dinner with my husband.  Tomorrow I cannot eat meat so I was thinking of getting shrimp fried rice, the problem with that is that I usually can’t stop and I end up eating the entire thing.  Dinner during the weekend is just another story.  Lunch is usually not a problem because I just have an open faced tuna sandwich on wheat after the gym.  We’ll see how it goes.  Hopefully I don’t end up just laying on the couch, eating and watching TV all weekend.  I DO have stuff to do, I have to clean the house, do homework and take care of taxes but knowing me I’ll probably just hate my life for few days.

So I figured I’ll make a list of the good things that have come out of a good diet and frequent exercise

1) I am definitely less depressed than I was before.  Maybe I should say I feel happier than I did before.  I don’t know, I still go through ups and downs but at least my downs are not 80% of my life.

2) My old clothes fit!  I’m so glad I didn’t get rid of them.  Of course now a lot of my new clothes are too big.

3) My few grey hairs are turning black again! I know this sounds weird but a couple of times my husband found a grey hair so of course I pulled it out.  To my surprise, it was grey towards the end but it was black at the root!  So of course I googled it and found that lack of some minerals/nutrients is what causes hair to go grey and that sometimes a better diet can revert the process.  I still have one (that I can find) stubborn grey hair that I’m still working on.

4) My digestive system is normal.  Don’t wanna go into much detail with this one.

5) I haven’t had a cold since I started my whole diet and exercise routine.  I can’t say it’s definitely due to these changes but it’s sure nice to think it is.

6) My skin looks better.  I think this is definitely because of my new diet and because I’ve been drinking a lot of water.

7) No more cramps! This is a HUGE one.  I used to have cramps that would send me to bed almost in tears.  I would get them on an off for two whole days every month.  Now, if I wasn’t on BC I probably wouldn’t even know my period was coming.

My husband is eating better as well.  He’s been trying for years now to watch what he eats but I would always make it so hard for him because I’m the one who cooks most of the time.  

9) I sleep better at night.  I still don’t sleep enough but at least the few hours of sleep that I get are good hours.  Before it would take me at least an hour to fall asleep, now I’m asleep in maybe 10 minutes.

10) My resting heart rate is down to about 60 beats/min, which is great!  I also do not have high cholesterol anymore =)  I’m only 24 so it was a little scary to hear that my cholesterol was already too high.

So there it is, a list of the good things that have come out of this big life change.